We all get angry at times — this is normal and human.
Anger occurs when we have a problem in our lives, it focuses our energy to get things shifting and changing.
Anger literally is a transformational energy.
We can have positive transformation when we focus our anger on a problem.
We can have negative transformation when we focus our anger on a person — we can even lose that relationship.
In a nut shell anger focused on a problem is healthy however, anger focused on a person is toxic.
It is much more efficient and effective to be angry at a problem.
Some people are feeling stressed by this most unusual time in the world so I spent this Sunday making you all a meditation to relax your body and mind.
I trust you will enjoy them.
Wendy’s Four Steps for Anger
Step 1. Acknowledge that there is a problem and they are important to you.
Step 2. Explain that you will not discuss the issue until you are both calm
Step 3. Leave
Step 4. When you are both calm come back and discuss the problem
Control dramas are negative emotions that people use to control each other.
The six control dramas are :
It is normal to feel these feelings at times however, we can either use them in a healthy or a controlling way.
Each of these emotions have a positive or negative affect on your relationships.
Anger and criticism are strong, focused emotions that create either negative or positive transformation.
They are both negative when focused on a person and positive when focused on a problem.
Withdrawal is positive if a person takes time out to get clear about a problem.
However, it is negative when no action or discussion is taken after taking time out.
Victim-hood is negative if a person complains about an unfairness in life without actively changing their behavior.
It is positive when a person faces an unfair situation feels the feelings of that come up (for example; feeling sad and crying.) and then engages in positive solution based change.
Denial is negative if you deny someone else's thoughts, beliefs and feelings.
It can be positive when someone is overwhelmed and they will not engage in thinking about a problem while they are feeling that way.
Charm is positive if it is kindness in action and negative when used to manipulate someone to do something that is not best for them.
Once a person learns to use these emotions positively they will find it easy to say “no” to others who are trying to control them, plus they will stay calm and adult when others being unkind.
Relationships will improve because difficult issues will be resolved in a way that grows trust.
Imagine how wonderful it would feel to no longer be a target for bullies.
In the future I will blog about how to handle yourself and others when feeling these strong feelings.