Do you want to have great relationships by NOT setting boundaries with others who create dramas that waste your energy, money and time?
The very best way to slip into the crazy world of lies, deceptions and madness is to care about what others say and do towards you.
When you are on a path to a happy successful life it is important that you tread your own path and don’t get distracted by others when they treat you unkindly.
Don’t set a boundaries JUST DON’T.
Society has trained us to be co-dependant and put others wants and needs before our own so we are “nice” and accommodating with others who are needy, exploitive, dramatic and angry.
If you have done some personal growth the next bit of training is:
“I have to set boundaries with toxic others”
This is a tiny step up. Slightly better than being “nice” and betraying yourself.
With that said; it is not very effective.
Your words are like water in a sieve — the water flows in and out of the sieve and you get no where. Your words are a complete waste of effort.
When you set a boundary you are creating the first act of war — it starts the struggle of who will win. Toxic others are usually much more practiced at “war” than the empathic, so it is a huge negative energy vortex to set a boundary.
Unkind others love "playing with" empathic peoples kindness and emotions — it gives them great joy to steal your time and energy in this way.
Set a focus for what you want and DON’T TELL THEM.
Let me tell you — boundaries are not something you set with them — it is something you do within yourself without saying a word.
Toxic others use the following diversions to make it your fault that they are toxic;
“My standards for this business, staff and clients will not be reduced by that attitude."
In life that could be rephrased as “My standards for life are honesty, integrity and kindness and I don’t compromise on that.”
I would think; "You will either shape up or ship out — that is up to you."
With that thought I became clear and honest about what was required in their job. I changed with that phrase; everything changed. I worked on shaping them up or shipping them out in the kindest way I could.
Before I came to this conclusion about setting the standards for my life and not saying a word.
I “explained’ boundaries to a reactive staff member the following would happen.
1. Firstly that staff member would reject that they had broken the agreement of work behaviour.
2. They would argue with me that I was the problem for expecting them to change.
3. When they didn’t win this argument with me they would then gossip with the other staff about how unreasonable I was. This would take the focus away from their failures and on to me — they would project that I was a bad boss rather than own their own unkind and toxic behaviours.
4. This would damage the moral of the other staff members in the business.
Staff who were unkind or lazy were like children who want to fight against authority. They don’t think far enough ahead that their boss is kindly keeping their jobs safe by having the business profitable.
5. Then the unkind staff member would increase their poor work habits to “test” my resolve. After that the energy would spiral downwards and a big costly, emotional mess would ensure.
I don’t do that anymore, I keep my focus on my standards, the result was the vast majority to staff would listen and improve and the rest… Well they shipped themselves out without me having to say a word.
I would kindly and clearly insist on the behaviours I required and when they realized I was not going to "give in" they would give up in frustration and resign.
The magic of not explaining yourself is powerful stuff.
The only way out of any mess, it to sort out your inner world.
Your personal work is to create an inner world where you can trust yourself to be “nice” and “polite” TO YOURSELF and not rock YOUR boat.
It is important that you feel; “I maintain my high kind standards and if you don't want to join me in these standards I am unconcerned — you are not my problem.”
Learn to NOT care when unkind others do dramas, get angry, don’t stick to the mutually agreed upon rules, explain sob stories and tell lies to others to try and get you to lower your kind and ethical standards.
The day that you decide that you no longer care what others think, say or feel about you will be the start of your calm happy and successful, wealthy life.